It's that time of year when there seems to be pregnant women everywhere. So, in the interest of the public good, I'm offering all you expectant fathers out there some very valuable information.
Things you should never say to a woman in her third trimester:
- Guess you're the designated driver again.
- The last six months have just flown by, haven't they?
- Wow! I can't fit my arms around you!
- Where are your ankles?
- Let's ask my mom what she thinks.
- Have you seen my copy of the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit issue?
Of course, now you're wondering if there's anything that's safe to say. The answer is, not really. It's best to just smile and nod. But if you find yourself in a position where you absolutely have to verbalize, stick to the following:
- Can I rub your feet?