|I Was Bigfoot's Love Slave
||[Jun. 20th, 2005|06:45 am]
I love the Weekly World News headlines. They have always had the absolute best headlines of any tabloid, but unfortunately, the stories themselves never measure up to the promise. Until now.
Yesterday, at the grocery store (and as an aside, does anyone refer to them as "supermarkets" anymore?) I picked up a copy while waiting in line, lured by the "Hillary was Cloned" banner on the front page. I mean, seriously - who could resist?
I never found out if Hillary does, indeed, have an evil clone who has been causing all sorts of trouble and embarassment for her and Bill, because two other stories caught my eye when I opened the paper.
The first was a story about a man murdered by his shadow. Apparently, the man had a habit of berating his shadow, stomping on it, calling it worthless, that sort of thing. The man thought this was great sport, until the shadow got fed up with it and somehow crushed him to death, no small feat for something incorporeal. What won me over was not the story, but this particular line in the story, "The Montpelier police were tight-lipped about why the man's shadow turned on him." I'll bet they were.
The absolute best, however, was in a story about God's wife. Yes, I said wife. Apparently, God has been married for about 9,000 years now, after a 4,000 year courtship. Why did it take so long for God to woo his lovely bride? A source close to the couple offered this insight. "At first, she was put off by what she perceived as God's 'Holier than thou' attitude."
I might just have to subscribe.