spinthemoon (spinthemoon) wrote,

Five years of brainwashing down the drain

I have a thing about McDonald's. Big surprise, you're thinking. Is there anything you don't have a thing about?

Don't be mean. Since one of my things is makings lists, I can list lots of things about which I don't have a thing. 

One thing which would not make the list of things about which I don't have a thing is McDonald's, because as I mentioned just  right up there ^^^^ at the beginning of this post, I have a thing about McDonald's. 

I can't say exactly when this thing began, because I don't think it did. I think it just sprang, full-blown, the day the first franchise opened in my town. I hated everything about it. The golden arches, the stupid clown, the hyper-active color-saturated commercials with sentient food...I think, even as a child, I was somewhat alarmed by a fast food place so obviously targeting children in their advertising and merchandising.

My first love, Burger King, was much more sensible. Their commercials emphasized the fact that you could order a burger, fries, and a drink, and still get change back from your dollar. Yes, I am that old. Their food was what it was - with the exception of the Whopper, nothing had stupid names. Unlike McDonald's, which insisted on prefixing everything with "Mc", like "McBurger" or "McDrink". It was like being spoken to in baby talk. "Would McPoopsy like some McKetchup on her widdle McBun?" One of the first times I remember laughing until I cried was when Johnny Carson commented in his monologue how someone associated with the McDonald's corporation died when he "McChoked to McDeath on a bag of McFries."

McDonald's hasn't done much over the years to win me over. They were among the first to try becoming  hip by nicknaming themselves, calling themselves "Micky D's". It was sad, like the nerdy kid who desperately wants to be cool and starts trying to get everyone to call him "Razor" or "Flash" in the hopes that he will seem far more interesting than he really is.

The one saving grace of McDonald's is the Ronald McDonald house, which is awesome beyond compare and buys them a lot of points in my book, but not enough that I will actually eat there.

Or take my children to eat there. Not only do I not take my children to eat there, I spend a lot of time and effort actively brainwashing my children into thinking that eating at McDonald's is only a half-step above digging someone else's leftover broccoli out of a dumpster. It was heartwarming, really, to hear The Boy pipe up from the back seat, every time we drove past a set of golden arches, McDonald's is icky!

He would occasionally confide to me, wide-eyed, that one of his playmates had eaten at McDonald's and lived to tell the tale. We would wrinkle our noses together and say Ewwwww and stick out our tongues and laugh.

Then yesterday, he went swimming with his cousins, and afterwards, they went to McDonald's. He came home, bursting with the news that McDonald's french fries were really good.

McShoot me McNow. Where is that memory-erasing gizmo when you really need it?

Tags: food
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