I think The Boy has a future in being an MPAA board member. Lately, he has become obsessed with movie ratings. I think it all started when I was watching Pan's Labyrinth and wouldn't let him come into the den because it was too violent. Yes, I realize any parent points I might earn by not letting my 5-year-old watch an inappropriate movie are more than offset by the facts that 1) he was, once again, awake far past a time when a preschooler should be awake and 2) I make my preschooler hang out alone in his room so I can watch a movie. But that's not what this post is about.
After being told that he couldn't watch the movie because it was rated R (I actually have no idea what the rating is, but it sounded convincing) he became very interested in how movies are rated. Every time we rent a movie, or he pulls out a favorite DVD, he asks what the rating is, and we talk about why it has that rating.
Have I mentioned that he loves Goosebumps videos? I suppose that sort of shoots the "I don't let my preschooler watch inappropriate movies" facade right out of the water, but that isn't what this post is about, either. Anyway, he loves Goosebumps videos, and has watched Horrorland about fifty zillion times and thought it was hysterically funny. So, this week he rented one about werewolves, and it freaked him out a little. I think it was the fact that the parent figures were the werewolves. This got him to thinking. Which is sometimes a bad thing.
I wish I had been able to record his end-of-show ramble, which went something like this: If a child gets bitten by a werewolf, and turns into a werewolf, I wonder if they would be mean to their parents, or if they would still be nice to their parents; I think they would still be nice but I don't know and that's why I don't want to get bitten by a werewolf but I would like to see some other child get bitten because then I would know.
Of course we had a nice talk about how werewolves are pretend, and so he didn't really have to worry about getting bitten by one, at which point he told me he knew that, but couldn't stop thinking about the legend of the werewolf, and he was pretty sure that video was rated PG13 and he probably shouldn't have watched it. I convinced him to read a book to take his mind off the legend of the werewolf, so he pulled out one of his favorites and leafed through it, taking pains to reassure me after every page that now he was thinking about dinosaurs instead of werewolves.
But that's not really what this post is about, either. What this post is about is what happened this morning, after Middle Daughter and I had left the house.
Husband and The Boy were getting ready to leave, and The Boy had to go get on his shoes, and Husband went around the house and turned off the lights and the tv and the computers and all the stuff we turn off when we're not here because I am insanely cheap when it comes to electricity. And while he was in the living room, he suddenly heard the front door open and The Boy frantically calling for him.
Husband ran outside and found The Boy on the porch. Apparently, seeing that everything was turned off, The Boy thought that Husband had left him home alone. And he was quite indignant.
Hands on hips, The Boy turned to Husband and said, "Don't you ever do that to me again! I thought I was in an R-rated movie."
Husband, being a bit confused by this statement, asked The Boy what he meant.
"You know," The Boy replied, "the kind of movie you don't let me watch because it's too violent. I thought I was in an R-rated movie. I thought I was the victim."