Today I hung the shades. It was an epic battle.
You cannot hang us, the shades said. For we are still in the Box of Delivery, and have not been disturbed since we came to this place. Who are you, that you should disturb the rest of the Shades of Special Order?
I am a fierce weekend warrior, I replied. And I will hang you, for I have been given by Sir Black and Sir Decker the Screwdriver of Power, and naught shall stand in my way, though it has been eons since the Box of Delivery was laid to rest in this hold.
But the windows are still filled with the Blinds of Brokeness, the shades taunted. And the brackets which bind them must also be removed.
I am prepared, I replied, for I have not only the Screwdriver of Power, but the Stool of Stepping.
But you cannot get to the windows, the shades mocked. For the machine of computing, and the desk upon which the Eye and the Voice and the Magic Modem of DSL and the Mouse and His Pad reside are all in the way. And the wastebasket and magazine rack are there also, and the ottoman therewith resides.
The machine of computing, and the desk and all that resides upon it, and the wastebasket and magazine rack and yea, even the ottoman, are naught to me, for I have a Husband who will move them at my command, I taunted back, and the shades began to quiver in their Box of Delivery.
So I gave the Command, and the Husband moved from the place of the windows all that blocked my way. And I took the Screwdriver of Power and removed the Blinds of Brokenness, and the brackets which held them, and released the Shades of Special Order from the Box of Delivery, and wielding the Screwdriver of Power I hung the shades.
And so it came to pass, as I have told it here to you.