|Neither here nor there
||[Jul. 10th, 2006|09:58 pm]
The days go by. Like water. No...not like water. And not just because everyone says that. But - honestly - partly because everyone says that.
But mostly because that's not how the days go by. Water flows. You can see it moving. You can see where it's coming from, and where it's going. My days just are, and then...aren't. One minute I'm digging through the fridge for leftovers to pack in my ladybug lunchbox, and next thing I know I'm waking up at 3:47 in the morning with a little foot in my face and something that feels suspiciously like an errant pacifier digging into my back.
I'm not complaining, really. It just throws me at times. I mean, if my life was going to hell in a handbasket, at least I would know where I was headed and how I was going to get there. These days, I feel like I'm treading water. Damn, there's a water reference again. What is it with me and water? I dream of water every night. Lots of water. Great expanses of shimmering, dark water, just close enough that I know it's there, and just far enough away that it's in the distance. Sometimes it pulls me, sometimes it just hovers on the edge of my consciousness...although I'm not really sure if you have a consciousness when you're dreaming. Can it hover on the edge of my unconsiousness? Can water really hover at all? I mean, doesn't that sort of go against the laws of physics? Water can do all sorts of things, but I don't think hovering is one of them.
Sigh. This post is a wash. Or maybe I'm just all wet.
Maybe....it's just more of a feeling of merely existing instead of really living....? Like there's no real purpose, and you go through the motions without much real reflection, because there doesn't seem to be much to relect about.
Anyway, that's what I got from your thoughts. And I can sure relate, although the recently added element of going back to school has reinfected me with an enthusiasm that I haven't felt in quite some time.
In any case, great post. ;-)
2006-07-12 10:21 am (UTC)
Betwix and Between
That's really odd, because my roommate and I have just been discussing how quickly the days slide by now that we've gotten older; how, from one night to the next, they seem to melt into one another and it's like we're sleepwalking through them--just going through the motions--or we're dreaming the whole thing. The minutes and hours sneak by while I'm staring at the wall, wondering what I was supposed to've been doing in the meantime.
When I was a kid, lo, not-so-many-moons-ago, Time always seemed to DRAG; almost do it deliberately, and so much energy was given over to anticipation over a certain goal, event or destination, and, after one was reached, the next one after that. Never just being in "the moment"? And then, when you got to the moment, it was never what you thought it was going to be. I am not saying/writing this very well. It's like there is nothing new under the sun, and even if there was, I would wind up being distracted from paying attention to it when it came by. A feeling of missing something, or not knowing what to look for in the first place? Argh.
Supposedly, everyone dreams of water. (Also of flying, but that's another thing.) In traditional Dream Interpretation, water, dark water, flowing water, the seas, the ocean, all represent thoughts and dreaming itself, the collective unconscious and the Akashic Records. The beginnings of psychic awareness. Wind on water means messages; someone is trying to contact you, tell you something. Memories of another life might be trying to surface.
Anyway, this is starting to sound like the subplot to "What Lies Beneath"; so much for this comment.
But you're not alone in this feeling. You said it better than I did, though.
2006-07-12 12:14 pm (UTC)
Re: Betwix and Between
Husband called me when he read my post and said he'd been feeling the exact same way, as well.
My mother assures me that time slows down again when you get older. She hasn't been wrong about much so far, so I'll take her word for it. Then again, I suppose I can find comfort in believing that as long as the days disappear, I'm not old yet.